Some Language

Sometimes just getting to the movie irritates me to death.  As soon as I put in the DVD I start hitting the menu button, but this little red thing comes up saying I can’t do it.  Like I just have to watch.  I watched a DVD lately that had this:  “This film has been formatted to fit this screen.”  Now, that’s irritating because I didn’t ask anybody to format the movie, and they act like they are doing me a favor.  And on top of that, how the hell do they know or could they know that the film is formatted to “this” screen.  Seems to me there must be thousands of different kinds and sizes of screens, and there is no way they could know whether or not it has been formatted to this screen.  I mean what are they really saying:  “This film won’t look the same way on your TV screen that it would look in the movie house had you bothered to pay to go see it.”  But I would assume any idiot would know that anyway.

And then comes on this long warning about not duplicating the movie or you could go to jail and they mention something about Interpol in the warning.  Interpol.  What the hell is that?  All of a sudden, I think I am being warned that I will be arrested by “The Man from Uncle.”  That was a TV show from the early 60’s I think with Robert Vaughn.  He was a spy and worked from an organization called Uncle.  Somehow Interpol does not scare me.

Then you have to watch these things that say the views of the diverse persons expressed in the completely unnecessary and useless interviews included on the DVD do not represent the views of this company or any of its subsidiaries.  As if I cared.  First I watch it in English and then I watch it in French.  I practice my French while watching it, and then lately after watching it in French, I watch it in Spanish.  I expect before I die that I will watch it in English, French, Spanish, and Chinese.

Then you get to the ratings part that just drives me nuts.  I saw one lately that said the film was rated such and such and included “cartoon violence.”  Cartoon violence?  I guess that’s the sort of violence you get in a cartoon.  Or maybe it’s “violence plus gore.”  That’s like French fries with ketchup I guess.  Yea, order me up some violence with plenty of gore.  And of course, there’s your classic “graphic violence.”  Leading me to wonder what ungraphic violence might be.   I wish they would get down to it with something like, “Unremitting, mind numbing violence featuring multiple decapitations and torture involving the testacies.”  Now that might explain something.

And then you get “Some language.”  It’s like they don’t know what language the movie is in:  like it’s some language or other, we don’t know.  But a language of some kind.  Or sometimes it just says, “Language.”  Well, duh!  I was pretty sure I was going to see a talkie.

“Adult themes”—what the hell is that and why would you have to be warned about it.  Adult themes plus some language and unremitting graphic violence.  I would like to see ratings “so graphic” and with “some language” that they themselves would have to be rated.